Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
