If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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