We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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