i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
