one two three fourrrrnication!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
