Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize