y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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