I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Randomize
