is your mom at the bar?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
