Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
try to milk me bitch
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
