Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize