i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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