If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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