I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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