we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
