Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
