Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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