toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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