Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's official drugs can't kill me
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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