i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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