She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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