Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
