Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
