The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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