Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Houston, we have a blender
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
