I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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