He had one of those small greek statue penises
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
