Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
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DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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