come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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