Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
