I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
