You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Help. Why am I so naked?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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