You can't special order awesome
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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