Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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