Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
