mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
