I think my fart just growled at me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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