nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
