I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
