the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
