i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So vagazzling was a success
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
