I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
