i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
