I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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