"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
