my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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