I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
