He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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