We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
