Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
