Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize