i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
