So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
