You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
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