Me. At least after what I've been through.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
