I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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