In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
