I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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