Porn is love you can see.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
