i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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