How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
