I never want to see another naked old woman again.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
