If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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