She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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