It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
