I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
