before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
