he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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