I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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